Southern California Driver's License Application:
Name: ______________  Stage name: ___________________
Agent:  ______________  Attorney: ____________________
Publicist _____________  Manicurist/Hair stylist ___________
Sex: __ male __ female __ formerly male __formerly female __ both __
If female, indicate breast implant size:  ____
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way?
   Yes ___  No ___
[  ]  Lawyer
[  ]  Actor/Waiter
[  ]  Filmmaker/Self-employed
[  ]  Writer
[  ]  Car Dealer
[  ]  Panhandler
[  ]  Agent
[  ]  Hooker/Transvestite
[  ]  Other; please explain: ______________
Please indicate how often you expect to have sex in car:______
Please indicate how much you plan to spend for this sex.______
Please indicate Cell phone provider: _______________
(If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)
Please check hair color:
Females: [  ] Blonde [  ] Platinum  Blonde  [  ]  Ash Blonde
Teenagers: [  ] Purple [ ] Blue [  ]  Green
Skinhead Men: Please list shade of hair plugs.
Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[  ] Eating a wrap
[  ] Applying make-up
[  ] Talking on the phone
[  ] Slapping kids in the back seat
[  ] Having sex
[  ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[  ] Tanning
[  ] Snorting cocaine
[  ] Gang Warfare
[  ] Reading Variety
[  ] Surfing the Net via your laptop
Please indicate instances that justify shooting another driver:
a) you are being shot at.
b) other driver not conforming to you're rules of the road.
c) you're having a bad hair day.
d) Other, please explain _____________________________________
If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the
on a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.
e) None of the above (South Central residents only).
Please indicate if you drive a:
a) Beamer.
b) Lexus.
c) Mercedes.
d) Other.
If your answer is D, please add six to eight weeks to normal delivery time
for your driver's license.
In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) stop your car.
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4.
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac;
b) Zovirax;
c) Lithium;
d) Zantax;
e) Viagra.
If none, please explain:  __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour.
b) 2 hours.
c) 3 hours.
d) 4 hours or more.
When stopped by police, should you:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring
yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
d) reload before coming to a complete stop.